Losing my Religion

First, I am not losing my religion. So don’t worry.

But I think R.E.M. wrote the greatest title. It does say a lot.

At times you wonder if you are losing it or getting lost in it? At least I do. But how do you document real life? When real life is getting more like fiction each day. I wish I wrote that. But we all know Jonathan Larson did. May he RIP.

Time to talk religion. Those of you, who actually read this blog, might have read some of my pieces that discuss religion.

Am I perfect? No. Will I ever be? No.

Let’s see, I go to services almost daily. I haven’t missed putting Teffilin on in many years. I read the Tehillim. I may not read the right one for that day of the week. But they are all inspiring. I’ve been studying The Tanya for a while. It is a great read. It is very deep and informative. It makes me ask a lot of questions. I am always trying to get a better understanding. I even read the daily portion on my iPhone. The other day, I was running on the treadmill and reading it.

Yes, there are times when I am wondering why I do this? But then I see some signs from HaShem. No, he didn’t text me or friend me on Facebook. I wish that were the case. Don’t we all? But there are so many things that may be ordinary or extraordinary that happens and I just know HaShem has put this into play. Do I like them all? No.
I try to eat the right way. In many ways, I am lucky. I’ve never liked shellfish or cheeseburgers. I’ve tried and love other foods that are not appropriate for my religion. I stay away.

I think the spirituality of my religion has a lock on me. I am not sure where I got this part of me? Although I am willing to bet it may have been from playing Meteu, the medicine man in the BSA’s Order of the Arrow ceremonies. Who knows? I know there are other reasons. I don’t mean my countless rituals at the Stadium. But those help me.
Anyway, what I love about the teachings are the acts of kindness and trying to help other people to the best of your abilities. I know we have the daily rituals, praying three times a day, washing hands before we eat bread (I am so proud we have that), and many other things.

Sometimes I question if we could get closer to the Torah not by worrying so much if we did all of those things. But lived less critically and did more to help others.
I used to play the clothes game. My friends and I would see who could out price each other with what we were wearing. I rarely lost. I haven’t played this in nearly 10 years. I am sure I’d still win. But does it matter? No.
There is so much more to us than that. There are too many people that I’ve met that forget this.

I wonder how “really” religious they are? All they seem to worry about is following everything to the letter. They’ve been way too critical of people who do not.
I don’t think that’s what religion especially mine should be about. I’ve been told because my parents are divorced, I’ve been to Broadway shows, seen Elton John and surf the web, I am the one holding us back from what we all dream of: The reconstructed Jerusalem.

Funny, I surf the web and are often studying Torah on it. Ok add in the Yankees, music, the market and buying stuff. Some people have told me the Internet is the new forbidden fruit and it should be banned. They should take the blinders off. As for Broadway, my musical and sports loves, I’ve heard I am sinning because I am seeing people play or perform who are not of my religion.
Like get a life. Maybe if you were more mature and more worried about whether people our own or others have food, an education and the other basic needs we ‘d be better off.

I am so lucky. I have people that are not wearing blinders. They can explain things to me the right way. Some live about a block away. I wish the others did. But they are always there when I need them. Oh and they all can make the most amazing Shabbat meals.

So am my losing my religion or finding it? And finding the way to understand it better and do more? The answer is obvious. My goals are to do more.

B”H

Shabbat in Forest Hills, N.Y.

I am lucky, very lucky. I never have to worry about finding a place for a Shabbat meal. That’d be dinner or lunch. I’ve lived in Forest Hills since the summer of 2007.

For the last several years, I’ve been fortunate enough to be treated to dinners that would cost well over $150 per head in any of NYC’s five star restaurants. I’ve been to the homes of several rabbis, Machane Chodosh’s Delicious Taste of Shabbat, Anshe Shalom Chabad’s dinners and to the homes of countless friends I am part of the family.

Years ago, a Rebbetzin said, I am the wandering Jew of Queens. I am. But aren’t we all wandering? I am happy to report. I’ve found a permanent home in Forest Hills. But do wander around the area.

Despite that I have Cooking merit badge, I am in no position to host Shabbat. Unless you want some delicious chopped meat and veggies cooked in foil? I can whip up anything over an open fire. Well maybe not gefilte fish. But I never tried. However, I am great supplier of Israeli wine, vodka and Arrack. At least, I hope I am.

Yes, I’ve done a few Shabbats in Tel Aviv and Jerusalem. No offense to my U.S. friends. I find there is so much more spirituality for me to daven at the Kotel and have dinner in the Old City. I am sure you’d agree. I look forward to when we all do that together when Jerusalem is rebuilt.

Each dinner offers its memories. In one house a really cute girl with yellow, not blonde hair (according to her) will stand on the table and tell us how she made the dinner. She will let us know how the only thing she’s still not big enough to turn on the stove. But she cooked it all. She’s five. Pretty soon according to her ima (mom) won’t be able to tell her what to do.

In another house lots of cute and super smart little kids run around. They treat us to a lesson in the morning’s parsha (weekly Torah portion). They play games and hop around. They probably know more than most of us.

I remember when the older of the girls carried a salad to the table. The bowl probably weighed more than she. However, she wouldn’t let anyone help her carry it. She made it. I remember the night she lit candles for the first time. A little while before she did. She kept telling us she was lighting the candle. We all gave her gifts. She managed to attach herself to all the gift bags and run around.

Then there’s another house or family. When I say family we are part of it. The ages run from about 6 to numbers I cannot up to. I get lectured on what it was like in Brooklyn in years past. I even was given a few “nicknames”.

Our host is an older chap. He is very warm-hearted and has served over 20,000 people over the years. His gefilte fish reminds me of my paternal grandmother’s. I miss her.

The conversations at each home are interesting. We talk Judaism, sports, Star Wars, Middle Earth and more. Much more. Each home seems to have a variety of themes. The singing is always great. Not that I can sing.

The shul dinners are always fun. I just wish they’d skip the Kedem. I call it cough medicine. That’s what my mom said it reminds her of. But it can cure a cough. I had one once and finished lots of Kedem. I was healed. I willI always BYOB.

During the week, some of my Shabbat families get together during the week for meals in some of our restaurants.

I am now deciding what type of wine to take off the wine rack for this Shabbat’s Dinner. I am going to one my favorite places. In this home the spirit you feel is sky high.

Of course, I will never say which is my favorite. Oh why not. My grandmother’s was the best. She left us on the first night of Pesach in 1993. I hope her neshama is getting an aliyah as I type. I know she’s watching me and is with me during each Shabbat. I hope she’s proud. I so wish I learned to speak Ladino.

Well I know this week’s Shabbat will be delicious. Not only in the food. But in what we learn and the time we spend together. It is only a block away or so from my house. But I so wish it was elsewhere. I want it to be in a reconstructed Jerusalem. I know my hosts and all my entire Shabbat family wish the same.

Shabbat Shalom