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October 4, 2004


The other day Matt was skating through Wolfe’s Pond Park in Huguenot. Something he’s been doing for years. He was just cruising along and enjoying the nice sunny weather. A slight breeze was running through the park. Nothing could be better.

He raced down the slight hills. He felt good. Eventually, he sat down on his favorite bench near the walkway to the beach. It was just about ten in the morning and the lifeguards were moseying over to their chairs. Little kids were racing into the water with their dogs. Ever mindful, their moms stood by and watched. Naturally, they made sure their little ones were using sunscreen and had bottled water.

As he sat on his bench he noticed a woman about twenty-nine years old aimlessly taking pictures of the sand, water, the benches, just everything. Matt knew he was caught in some of the photos. He really didn’t care. Frequently nut jobs just click away without realizing they are just capturing people who may or may not want to be in the photographer’s Kodak moment.

He got up and raced on. Finally, he skated over to his car and tossed the skates in the trunk and sped home to read the New York Times.

Sumner finished taking her photo and jumped into her car. She went straight home and plugged her Nikon into her MAC and started editing and printing her photos. She had beautiful pictures of the park and a few other things.

She grabbed a glass of apple juice and organized her photos. She made sure they were dated and all the colors came out perfect. She then filed them away and went to lie down.

Matt was going out of his mind. He just couldn’t sit down so he raced off to the gym. Naturally, as much as he exercised he ate pure crap. As soon as he left the gym he gulped down a quarter pounder, fries and a soda.

After that he went to the library and Blockbuster. His life was simple and boring.

Sumner got up and hopped on the train and went to her next photo shoot, Astor Place and Broadway. Over there everyone was taking pictures, videotaping and well who knows what else. She then raced back to the ferry and just made it as the guys who work there were shutting the gate.

She went home and repeated her usual photo printing and organizing. Nothing ever changed. She did have a regular job as a kindergarten teacher. Few friends and no boyfriend. She lived by herself for the last eight years. Wasn’t bad looking, just was a bit on the strange side. Cute, intelligent and a Goth chick.

She wanted friends and a boyfriend. During her junior and high school years, Sumner tried as hard as she could, but it just never snapped for her. She joined lots of extracurruciular activities. She learned lots. At the end of the day when all the other teens left school to grab a slice of pizza or a Big Mac, she was never included. No one ever wanted to go with her. She tried. She always said “Let’s go grab some food or hang out in the mall for a while”. Sadly, none of the kids wanted to hang with her.

All she wanted to was to be one of those annoying teenagers strolling the mall and all the other places crazy teens went. Unfortunately no one wanted to be with her. She could never understand why she wasn’t much different than the kids in all the clubs she joined. They all had good grades, nice clothes and looked good. She spent most of her time studying and weeping.

One day her uncle Marty bought her a camera. She took some photo classes and developed an interest in photography. Sumner spent much of her time taking photos of nice things, such as people laughing and playing together, families hanging out in the park and at Rockefeller Center. She wasn’t a stalker, but a dreamer. She wished she were in the picture. Her college days were no different than high school. She studied hard and passed her education tests and went back to school.

Fortunately, the kids in her class and their parents loved her. She worked very hard in school and made sure the kids were comfortable. She used her Goth outlook, sheer misery to try and make the kids happy so they wouldn’t be like her.

Sumner was home in her apartment looking at her photos and sifting through the pile of books on her floor, Girl Interrupted (she loved the movie too, but dug the book even more), the Bell Jar and Demon Seed stood out. She kept staring at the photo of Matt. Boy he is cute she thought. But, why would he like a miserable girl like me. Yeah, she had a job and her co-workers actually liked her despite her oddball views of things.

She really wished she had the courage to speak with Matt if she ever saw him again. She really wanted to see if he was interested in her. Unfortunately, she doesn’t do those things. She justs sits alone in her misery and evaluates the lyrics of the songs she likes like an art critic might talk about a Monet.

Matt was home reading a book, while depressing music filled his ears. In many ways, he and Sumner were the same. He was somewhat more main stream in his looks. But Goth in his views and feelings.

He too had no friends and dreamed of having a girlfriend. He was nuts, but smart enough to know Drew Barrymore would never be his. Knock out Winona, Reese and Angelina too. Such is life. But one can dream. Hey when you have no friends, Blockbuster becomes your best.

He had given up. He was a CPA at Citigroup. Didn’t love his job, but it paid the bills and he just hung around bookstores and skated.

Sumner ate her salad and drank her water. She didn’t eat much. Didn’t really drink either. Years ago, she enjoyed a few drinks, but gave up. She sort of gave up on everything. Well except for her class. She feared the kids would turn out like her if she did.

Matt hopped into his car and sped off to the mall. He strolled through the Gap, Banana Republic and a bunch of other stores. Eventually, he wandered over to Barnes & Noble and sat down in the aisle with a Chuck Palahniuk book. Sumner was sitting a few feet away reading another one Palahniuk’s books. It was fairly quiet in the bookstore. Both were in deep thought with their books.

Finally, Sumner stuffed her copy back on the shelf and got up to walk out. As she walked down the aisle, she saw Matt. Instantly, she recognized him from her pictures in the park. She was aghast. He looked so cute. All she wanted to do was say hi.

She stood frozen for a second in the aisle and walked toward him.

“Hi, I know this sounds funny and I’m sorry to bother you, but do you skate in Wolfe’s Pond Park on weekends, usually early in the morning?”

Matt put his book down and smiled.

“Yeah most of the time. Would have been there earlier but it was raining pretty hard, so I decided to come here instead and work out my mind instead of my legs. Do you hang out in the park?”

“Yeah, sometimes. Gives me a break from the screaming kids I deal with in my kindergarten class all week. But I love those little ones.”

“Must be fun to teach. Find any good books or just thumbing through stuff?”

“Well, I was also reading one of Chuck’s books-“Survivor.” Finished “Lullaby” a few weeks ago. Loved it. Pick it up or just read it here. Can’t go wrong.”

“Yeah, I like it. His books are so telling. Hey would you like to head over to Starbucks for coffee? My name’s Matt.”

“Wow, thanks I’d love too. I’m Sumner. Thank you so much for asking.”

The two hiked over to Starbucks, Matt didn’t even like coffee. He just liked Sumner and was thrilled she remembered seeing him in the park. Little did he know she’d been staring at his photo for about two weeks.

The two sat at table and ordered their drinks. Matt had hot chocolate. She had coffee. They shared a brownie and chatted on and on about books, her students and the sociopaths at his company. About an hour passed and they exchanged email addresses and promised to contact each other to get together for dinner or a movie. Maybe even grab a sandwich at the park.

He walked her to her Toyota and headed to his Nissan. Both were smiling and in their glory. Neither one of them understood what happened. Was there something in the stars? Was it that aisle in Barnes & Noble? Could they really wind up liking each other and having a relationship?

Remember he was Goth in some ways. He did wear a lot of black and listened to that music, but he also had his conservative streak in him. In a way he was confused, could never tell if he wanted to have his hair look like Robert Smith’s or wear his Ralph Lauren suits. An odd character he is. Some nights he sat in bed and wallowed in his misery to the Cure and Depeche Mode, while others he just listened to Billy Joel or Elton John. Very confused. But isn’t everybody?

Matt walked into his apartment and began doing laundry. One of his favorite pastimes. Why no one knows. But there is something about laundry. His mind drifted to Sumner and knew he would email her and see if she wanted to grab dinner or hang out in SoHo. He hoped it would last.

He popped the “Wedding Singer” into his DVD player, but his mind was focused on Sumner. Odd, for him during a Drew Barrymore movie. But he really liked this girl.

Sumner sat on her terrace and looked at the photo of Matt and dreamed she was falling into a relationship with him. She was scared. She didn’t know how to handle it and was hoping she’d be okay and able to let things happen. She wanted to love and be loved more than anything.

Over the next few weeks, they began seeing each other on a regular basis. Sumner and Matt did all the normal things couples do-movies, Broadways shows, dinner, museums and just spent time gazing into each other’s eyes. They had deep conversations about their beliefs and wishes. They really enjoyed each other’s company. They shared all of their feelings and had meaningful sex. They took this step slow.

Sumner was nervous. She had been with a few guys. But she was really in love this time. Well as a guy, Matt wanted her from the day they were in Starbucks. But he just wanted her to be comfortable and really be happy.

Sumner was experiencing feelings she never felt before. Matt too. But hers were really rattling her. She was so happy and so unsure how to handle it. She actually wore pink a few times instead of her usual black attire. She smiled. Her colleagues at work knew she was in love.

Flowers adorned her desk. Cute cards and teddy bears were there too. She glowed. Matt was treating her like the princess she deserved to be treated like. He was ecstatic. He also had no idea what he was feeling. But he knew it was good.

They were planning a trip to Aruba to escape the bitter cold weather. Sumner was never one to wear a bathing suit and lay on the beach. But off to J. Crew she went. She was buying plenty of them. Yes, she bought mostly black-not to hide her body. She has nothing to hide. She is in model form. No matter how happy she was, black was still her best friend.

Aruba was fantastic the two of them laid on the beach, drank rum, went SCUBA diving, read lots of books and shared each other’s company. Tan they were. In love too. As they slept in the Aruba Grand, Matt dreamed of watching her walk down the aisle in her black wedding dress. Yeah, black. A bit unusual. But that summed them up. He decided he wasn’t wearing a tux, he’d be dressed in the latest Reaction line.

Finally spring had arrived and Sumner was very happy, yet still rattled. She was so in love. But having such a hard time handling it. She was clearly not sure if she deserved to feel this and why someone as smart and cute as Matt loved her so much.

She decided to cook him dinner one Saturday night. Something she never did for anyone even herself. All of her food was ready made from the local deli her mom took her too all of her life.

Naturally, Sumner went to the deli and picked up string bean salads, chickpeas, a London broil, Worcestershire sauce and Semolina bread. She was really excited. She bought a nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and a delicious crumb cake from her favorite bakery. Of course, she knew Matt would probably bring her a terrific bottle of wine and great desert but she was just doing everything she could think of.

She got home cleaned up her apartment. She took the meat out of the refrigerator and turned on the broiler.

She even opened the knives and other silverware her grandmother, a heavyset Russian who emigrated to the U.S. in the late 1920s gave her when she moved into her Bay Terrace apartment. Grandma even tried to teach her to cook. But eventually gave up when she realized she was wasting her time. Grandma dreamed everyday that Sumner would learn.

“Ow, well I guess I should learn how to use these cooking knives and cut the meat and not my finger. Oh well.”

She washed her finger off and just laughed nervously. She washed the blood off the knife too. All she wanted was the food to be perfect and spend the in night Matt’s arms.

“Grandma, its Sumner.”

“I know darling how are you?”

“Well remember when you used to try to teach me to cook and I never paid attention. But just laughed while you were trying so hard to help me. I need your help. Matt is coming over for dinner and I bought a beautiful London broil lots of salads and stuff. I marinated it all day. But that’s about all I know what to do. How do I cook this hunk of meat?”

“He’s a nice boy. Jewish, too. I am very happy. This is important. Listen carefully and grandma will make sure you make his belly happy.”

Sumner and grandma spent the next forty-five minutes on the phone. The Cure was playing softly in background. Sumner was now a cook. Well at least competent enough to make a London broil and make sure the table was set properly.

They hung up the phone and Sumner’s face lit up with a beautiful smile. She had about an hour till Matt would show. She jumped in the shower and let the warm water soak her body. She got out and made sure her jet-black hair was perfect. She put on some makeup, her black Calvin Klein bra and panties and pair of black jeans from the Gap. She threw on a light green t-shirt and her Skechers. She sat on her bed for a few minutes and dreamed of how she would spend the night there with Matt.

She heard a knock on the door. A smiling Matt holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers waltzed in. He also had a bag of chocolate candies from his favorite homemade chocolate store. She was gushing. Sumner grabbed a vase and happily put the flowers in the living room. They spent the next few minutes kissing.

The kitchen had the aromas of a delicious dinner. She asked him to uncork the bottle of Yarden. Their grandparents would be pissed they weren’t drinking Kedem. But neither of them had a cough. In their minds’ that’s all that vile liquid is good for. It made a great cough medicine. Of course he had had brought a bottle of V. Sattui desert wine, maybe they’d eat the chocolates and drink that while taking a bubble bath.

She sat in his lap on the couch and sipped the wine. They didn’t speak. They just held hands and gazed into each other’s eyes and listened to the Smiths. Morrissey was singing “How Soon is Now” and other tunes. But all they cared about was each other.

She jumped off the couch and asked him to sit at the table. Like a lap dog he scurried over to the table and was amazed at how pretty it looked.

“Wow my Goth girl seems so Upper East Side. Scary but unreal. Man I love her, “ he thought.

She brought the salads to the table and asked him to cut the bread, which he did. He smeared butter all over it. It felt so good in her apartment. The mood was perfect.

Sumner’s head was revolving in about a thousand directions. Well at least her mind was. Things seemed so perfect. G-d she dreamed of the day he put the engagement ring on her finger. She even thought about being a mom. Something so far away from her usual thoughts. The Morrissey CD ended and Depeche Mode started playing, “Somebody”:

“This is the first time I ever cooked for anyone. I hope a did a good job.”

“I’m sure you did. It smells so good. Man you set the table so nice. I love you so much. I really want have a deep conversation with you later, perhaps in the bathtub.”

“Oh G-d, yes I do. Please tell me you are thinking about buying me a ring.”

He nodded his head.

The two of them sat and ate quietly. She was so happy, yet so scared. The sun was just about to set. She figured they wait a little while and then eat the cake and maybe eat the candy in bed. She wanted him to feed it to her.

“Matt the sun is setting, wanna jump onto the terrace and have another glass of wine and in breathe in the air and just look at each other?”

“Couldn’t think of anything better to do. I love you.”

The two walked out onto the terrace, which was off her bedroom. She decided it was time to mellow out with her lover. She popped the “Dark Side of the Moon” into the CD player and grabbed her bong. He was smiling. He hadn’t smoked in years. Neither had she, but there was something about this moment that called for it.

They just stared at each with big smiles. Sumner was so happy, yet so scared. She saw some squirrels running around the courtyard of her building complex. Matt threw a piece of bread their way. She laughed, yet something inside was scaring her. But what she couldn’t tell. He started kissing her. She was getting very excited and dreaming of making love in the shower. Their hands were all over each other.

He was thinking about marrying Sumner. He was so excited. She was even more excited and scared to death. Their lips were locked onto each other’s. His hands were all over her. “Us and Them” was blasting out of her bedroom, where they were certainly headed too. She was screaming in happiness. She was unzipping his jeans. The sun was setting.

They just looked into each other’s eyes and smiled. Tears were falling out of Sumner’s eyes. Her mind was spinning. She thought of all of her previous days when she thought no one would love her. She was so happy. Yet so scared. Why would someone actually care so much about her?

Sumner kissed him again and again. She dreamed of having kids with him. She thought of all the cute toys she would buy them. She wanted to be the best mom in the world. All of a sudden she just wrapped her hands around him and started hugging him real tight. She never got this close to anyone. She was squeezing him so hard. He was gasping for air. He started to scream in pain.

He tried to loosen her grip and just kept kissing her. Her hands loosened for a second or two. They then went around his neck as she started rubbing him there. His breathing was back in control. She started massaging his neck really hard and squeezed him there. Again, Matt was gasping for air and she just squeezed harder and harder. She was losing all control. She was so in love and so wondering if this was right for her. She knew it was. All of a sudden she squeezed him so hard he let out his last gasp. His whole body went limp and he fell to ground.

“Oh my G-d, what did I do?” she cried out.

He lay on the ground. She opened his mouth and opened his shut eyes. She felt no heartbeat. He was no longer breathing.

Sumner laid herself on top of her lover’s body and broke out into tears.

The CD ended.